Imagine this with me would you...
A beautifully lit, carefully cleaned, antique kitchen. A basket of lemons and limes a beautifully fresh contrast against the marble countertop. A smell like nothing that can be named hangs in the air...The smell of home? Yes... I think that captures it. Sitting on a tall chair at the counter in this kitchen was where I first heard my Grandmother try to describe her love for my Grandpa. Before this, I could not recall a time when I had heard their love spoken nor described to one another. This was a rare and precious gift. She began by saying that their love had not always been easy. Their walk together had lacked much of the romantic passion and tenderness that we so often crave as part of our own stories. This was not necessarily news to me, and observing this in their marriage had always been difficult for me. I longed to see them be loving towards one another physically or verbally in a way that was plain for the world to see... but my perspective was altered as she continued. Instead of speaking mournfully about missed opportunities or speaking of what she wished had happened, she simply said..."But ours is a sticky kind of love. We made a promise to one another, and no matter what happens we're stuck," Isn't that a beautiful way to describe love... Now, before you toss me to the loony bin, I want to explain. "a sticky kind of love"... Think about it. It is the kind of love that defies the temptation to give up... That refuses to give in to disappointment, or sadness, or greed... and just keeps on loving. It refuses to let go even when grace and love are not returned in kind, or at all... The love that focuses on the other person's heart... And trusts that the promise will be kept. Tonight, I was reminded of this "sticky kind of love" in a new light. A heavenly light. God loves me with "a sticky kind of love"... He is the love that defies giving up, does not surrender to disappointment, sadness, or greed... He keeps on loving, and refuses to let me go even when love and grace are not returned. He IS the EMBODIMENT of THAT LOVE! "Anyone who does not love does not know God, because God is love. God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in him." 1 John 4:8 and 4:16b
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So, my dear people...I know that it is not Sunday, and that I did not post on Sunday, for which I am every so sorry. I must say though that I have a great story as an excuse that you probably would be more interested in hearing anyways. Now to get down to business. Tonight, I was spending time reflecting on what it means to trust God and who He is. I had the blessing today of listening to a group of people that I care about really dig into the "Nitty Gritty" of faith. For many of us, when we hear discussions about God's justice and how He will judge, or who will and will not go to heaven, our ears and hearts become unhearing and callous because we do not want to have to think about it... To be uncomfortable. As I thought about what they were saying I realized that the conclusion that I was able to draw was not one full of skepticism and hardness, but of a thankfulness that I can trust God to administer His perfect justice. It was a perspective switch for me. One that drew me closer and deeper into love with Him... My God, my lover, my King. It took my breath away. I could actually trust Him. Not a superficial trust that depends on what He does, but a deep and enduring trust in who He is. The confidence that He will be God, and will be faithful to all that He says He will do. I would love to hear your thoughts, so please please leave any comments or topic ideas in the comments below!
This evening...I have a very honest, and pretty painful topic that I'm going to share with you all. It has been on my heart this weekend and I think that it's important to talk about. It's about a battle that I have been warring inside my heart. It's the battle of feeling and believing that I am unlovable. For years... More than I care to admit, I have struggled with feeling like I am too much. Too talkative, to obnoxious, too fat, too imperfect... and everything else to be loved, especially beyond the bounds of friendship into something more.
As I spent time with God and others this weekend, and received the truth and love of those around me, God revealed to me that this lie has been wearing away sensitivity and softness and replacing it with mistrust, callousness, and loneliness. I struggle to allow people into my heart... Into my genuine thoughts... Into the deeper parts of me, and it makes relationships difficult at times. My relationship with God has struggled big time because of it. The breakthrough came while I was listening to one of our speakers talk about the intimacy and beauty of God's love as He wove us together uniquely in our mothers' wombs. He was there... And He knew that I was going to have more curves, more outspoken opinions, more acne... Yet He still said that I was VERY GOOD. I have been created differently yet uniquely lovely and Christ in me continues to expound upon that loveliness. As you are tempted to reflect upon your flaws and all of the things that YOU believe about yourself, turn to the Bible and read sections like Song of Solomon, and Psalm 139, and Zephaniah 3:17. You are danced over with such joy, and spoken over with such love. May you realize that today. Pray with me if you would: Father, I lay down all of this crud that I carry around on a daily basis. The beliefs that I am other than what you say I am. God help me to turn my gaze away from myself, and direct it towards you and your glorious love and direction. I surrender these lies, along with my life...Amen "The LORD your God is with you, the Mighty Warrior who saves. He will take great delight in you; in his love he will no longer rebuke you, but will rejoice over you with singing." Zephaniah 3:17 It's felt very strange to wait for so long to be able to post something. I might have to go twice weekly for these.
Before we get into why this week's entry is called "Save Me Please", I would love for us to go through this prayer together. This prayer is meant to refocus our hearts and put us into the Kingdom perspective. Father, today I give you my heart, the thoughts of my mind, and what I do in my daily activities. Help me to worship you with even the most mundane of my daily activities. I love you my King, and I ask that you would come and be with me. Live with me. Love me. I invite you to bring conviction where it is needed, and to show me clearly the areas in which I need to grow. Amen I would love to talk this week about some of the things that I've been going through lately, and what I feel that God has been doing in my life because of it. It's been difficult, yet wonderful in the ways that only God can orchestrate. I pray dearly that you will be encouraged by it. These past few weeks, I have been struggling with being under heavy stress, and feeling very discouraged. I've been working and trying to adult and attempting to be proactive about the chaos that is the process of applying for a competitive college program. Among all of this mess, I realized that the mindset of seeking to give God glory in all things was starting to be moved to the back burner. My time alone with My Love, the Greatest Love... was ebbing and my heart felt like an empty shell... But get this... Let it sink in... He, did not stop pursuing me. Over this time, He tugged gently at the edges of my heart, seeking to prod me to open it, and eventually I did. Dear ones, Our God defies the preconceived laws of societal propriety. He will not walk away when we ask to be left alone. He stays beside us, waiting patiently. He does not push us away in anger when we have pushed Him away. Instead He welcomes us... Cares for us, and tenderly loves us. What an amazing God we serve. During this time of discovery, I was reading through the book of Ephesians and just recently began Philippians. I realized that Paul had many times in His life in which He felt like He had been abandoned by those He had trusted and loved... Especially while in prison. I could easily relate to some of those feelings, but what I found so amazing was in Philippians 1:3-4 when He said, "I thank my God in all my remembrance of you, always offering prayer with joy in my every prayer for you all." His prayers in this time of loneliness and captivity were a precious offering to His God, whom He trusted completely. Even while He was filled with longing and heartache for the Philippian church, He trusted God to guide and protect them, and to be faithful in love. His prayers replaced the sweet fragrance of a burnt offering, as ours are meant to be. Offered with joyfulness, and complete trust in Him. Philippians 1:3-10 "3 I thank my God in all my remembrance of you, 4 always offering prayer with joy in my every prayer for you all, 5 in view of your [c]participation in the gospel from the first day until now. 6 For I am confident of this very thing, that He who began a good work in you will perfect it until the day of Christ Jesus. 7 [d]For it is only right for me to feel this way about you all, because I have you in my heart, since both in my [e]imprisonment and in the defense and confirmation of the gospel, you all are partakers of grace with me. 8 For God is my witness, how I long for you all with the [f]affection of Christ Jesus. 9 And this I pray, that your love may abound still more and more in real knowledge and all discernment, 10 so that you may [g]approve the things that are excellent, in order to be sincere and blameless [h]until the day of Christ; 11 having been filled with the fruit of righteousness which comes through Jesus Christ, to the glory and praise of God." "GOD CREATED you for this world, here and now, to speak into the world in a way that only you can. Your voice, your work, is as unique as your thumbprint. Even if you find yourself burned out, worn down, unexcited, or drained from your current life's work. I have great news: GOD can bring new life into old world...your work of everyday living, and free you from the "blahs" of the daily grind."
~The Wellness Revelation, Alisa Keeton~ This my loves, is what I sat down to see this morning (with a small bowl of mac and cheese), and I tell you what... I have been experiencing a serious case of the "blahs" lately. Stressful situations and struggles against old ruts in my life have been wearing me down. Making me feel like my joy is being robbed, and my gracious has it been exhausting. Prayer has not come easily, and seeing God in the little things has been hard. Reading this part of the book this morning, I felt this release like water flow down into my soul. Realizing that what I call "old hat" can be transformed by God. Refreshed. Revamped... What an awesome gift! God can make the ordinary extraordinary! He is the ultimate creative genius, so why would we not go to Him for ideas. I think He can figure out a solution to your boredom if He can speak stars into existence. My dear, would you make a commitment with me to surrender your day to Him. To actually ask Him to show up, and come and be present with you...To walk with you. He loves you so much and is just waiting for you to ask! "Do you not know? Have you not heard? The Everlasting God, Yahweh, the Creator of the ends of the earth Does not become weary or tired. His understanding is inscrutable. He gives strength to the weary, And to him who lacks might He increase power. Though youths grow weary and tired, and vigorous young men stumble badly. Yet those who wait for Yahweh will gain new strength. They will mount up with wings like eagles, the will run and not get tired, they will walk and not become weary." Isaiah 40:28-31 Well, I was originally planning to do blog posts weekly, or maybe once every two weeks, but God is just too good for that... He just is too wonderful for that. Dears, I cannot describe the wonder and grace that God has extended to this runaway bride and daughter, and I must say that it has overwhelmed me this morning.
This morning, unlike most of my typical college student mornings (pajamas, coffee, shower, and only sighs or a mumbles before coffee) was a special one. I was going to coffee and breakfast with Laura! My best friend in the entire world! (seriously, like we've planned each other's weddings already). She is the only person for whom I will wake up at before the crack of dawn to spend time with, and truly one of the most wonderful human beings ever to walk the planet. Anyways, I was planning on buying us breakfast because of course it was payday, and then she was going to buy the coffee. It was going to be great!... This was the plan... Or so I thought... "HAHAHA! I laugh in your face!!!" *this is life speaking* So, as many of you know, plans can tend to change a little... Sometimes... Especially on days when you find out that it isn't actually payday, and you have a whole $6 in your bank account, and you feel crabby as a mama bear during hibernation... Yes my friends. This, is the life! I was so bummed, but of course I texted Laura that we were going to have to skip on breakie because I was bumhobo (a term we had previously created for such a time as this). Being the wonderful friend that she is, she just plucked up and decided that we were going to go to coffee anyways. So we went. I was feeling so bummed, and crabby. This darlings, is the setup for a beautiful morning... No sarcasm necessary. You see, I was under the impression that I was going to do all of these great things because I had a plan, and I was going to stick to it, but God had different ideas... And they started by bringing me to my knees with a big slice of humble pie. Instead of what I had planned, God decided that HE was going to bring Laura and I together, and provide us with breakfast, and coffee, and HIS Holy Spirit, but with a different perspective. He reminded us of how miraculous $5 free coupons and student discounts can be... and that how He works DOES NOT depend on how bumhobo and poor we are. On this most beautiful morning in existence (for it is the only one in existence right now) Our Father truly blessed us. He provided a way for us to enjoy each other's company, and to feast on yummy breakfast sandwiches and His truth. What a God He is!!! What a faithful FATHER, HUSBAND, and FRIEND He is! Darling ladies, and gents if you're reading... Our God is not bound by our bumhobo status... Whether it be poor in spirit, or in wallet. He is perfectly faithful and loving in EVERY circumstance... And the ONLY proper response to who He is, and what He does, is a thankful and worship filled heart. "I will give YOU thanks with all my heart; I will sing praises to YOU before the gods. I will bow down toward YOUR holy temple and give thanks to YOUR name for YOUR lovingkindness and YOUR truth; For YOU have magnified YOUR word according to YOUR name. On the day I called, YOU answered me; YOU made me bold with strength in my soul." Psalm 138:1-3 In the past few months, I have been agonizing over how I have felt like I was drifting further and further away from God. I felt like King David in the Psalms crying "Yahweh! Why do you hide your face from me!?" I would pray and pray and hear nothing, feel nothing, see nothing. It was breaking my heart.
Recently though, as I was meeting and talking with my mentor Katie about life, and how it was kicking my butt...royally...She brought up a question that BLEW MY MIND. She talked about how we have the opportunity to live with the question "God, how can I bring you glory in THIS moment?" This was a huge breakthrough for me. It gives the most simple and practical way to live in a constant state of worship, and praising God for the fact that HE IS HERE, whether we feel like it or not. Today was day one of really putting this into practice. I prayed that God would constantly bring this question to mind throughout the day, and that He would reveal Himself to me through it. Well I will tell you this my loves! He is wonderful at answering prayers in the strangest ways! I had asked Him to bring it to mind, but who would have thought it would be somewhere like in the shower!? But it was... Here I was, covered in suds and soaking wet, and all of the sudden the question just popped into my mind, and what could I do but to answer it? But can I really give God glory in the shower? The answer revealed to me was yes. God is everywhere. He is a part of every moment in our mundane, everyday lives, and He desires to be acknowledged and chosen by His children while He is walking with them. It is part of the joy of His love. The answer to our question then, "How can I bring You glory?" is by saying yes to Him. By acknowledging His presence in your life and by acknowledging who He is, you are bringing the focus of your heart, mind, soul, and strength back to Him. Worshiping Him, and Loving Him "Jesus replied: 'Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.'" Matthew 22:37 |
Where two or More...My dears, this blog is a safe and free space to talk about the things of life, love, and mystery. Your contribution is wonderful and valued. Archives
February 2021
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